Life is strange.
I consider myself well-versed in karmic spirituality; observant to the many teachable moments that the universe, or my guides, will throw into my path for the purpose of my spiritual growth. Sometimes though, when you are confident the universe is leading you in one direction, you realize that you’ve been kicked clear off the path, abandoned in the dark, and stumbling to find your way back to some semblance of normality. It’s a humbling experience, just one of many life throws our way to keep us from getting too ahead of ourselves.
Last September, when it became clear that I would be taking a small hand in the care-giving of a 92-year old family member, I arrogantly assumed that the experience was somehow ‘designed’ to aid my own spiritual path. A envisioned myself sitting by the bedside of a gentle women in her last 6 months of life, a helpmate in the highly spiritual process of dying. I imagined all of the end of life dreams and visions, the paranormal events that I would record and study as I, and others, compassionately cared for a departing soul.
Looking back, it was a selfish and misguided expectation.
A year later, that woman is 93 and in stable physical health though dementia has addled her mind. She still relies on her three adult children to provide care, but one of those children has revealed herself as power-hungry and greedy for control over her mother’s remaining assets. The last six months, in particular, have felt like an all out war of attrition while we continue to fight to protect this fragile woman from her own devious daughter. She is a pathological narcissist and cannot be reasoned with, nor is she stayed by guilt, empathy or conscience. Like a predatory insect, she has one laser line of focus: destroy and consume.
Was that too dramatic? Okay, maybe. But I’ve watched a formally jovial family divided and broken in the space of a year. In all of this chaos is the ever present question, why? What are we meant to learn from this? The question remains unanswered and possibly unanswerable, at least for now.
Being on the receiving end of constant negativity and sheer hatred has affected us physically; all of us suffering from nearly constant stomach pain, fatigue and insomnia. While our nemesis is physically alive, the sensation of psychic attack is also palpable. I can almost sense the evil intent directed at us. The stress has cast a pallor over the household. What was a home filled with peace and joy is filled with anger and frustration.
I have felt this once before when I lived in an apartment haunted by a strong negative presence. During that time, the entity often did things to infuriate me and my partner, inciting arguments and accusations as we blaming the other for taking money or misplacing things. At the time, I developed strange physical maladies. Nightmares were common, especially those which depicted my pets and family enduring horrific torture or being killed. My life was filled with nothing but bad luck. Cars broke down, appliances stopped working, we had money problems, problems with our family, problems I can’t even begin to talk about. The apartment was filled with shadows, sounds and paranormal phenomena. I felt like my life was under siege.
At the time, I had no idea why a human spirit would take such delight in our constant misery. I tried reasoning with it, pleading, cajoling, and yelling at it. I tried alternately sending it to the white light and then banishing it to hell. Nothing worked. Later, I would discover that my attacker was likely not the spirit of a human at all, but a negative entity, an astral creature that feeds on the strong emotional energy of humans in distress. My partner and I had to move, change every aspect of our lives, and leave everything behind to rid ourselves of that drowning negativity.
I feel it all happening again now, though our adversary is alive and in the body. I also know that negative entities, like the one that attacked me a decade ago, are attracted to situations like ours like moths to a flame. While we are working our way through legal channels to try and put an end to this soul-destroying familial war, I have also been on the lookout for any possible entities that might take advantage of the situation. There are ways of protecting oneself; and not in the ways that you think.
Many new spiritual followers don’t believe in the concept of evil spirits, negative entities or parasitic energy. It’s just ‘love and light’. Well, that is a dangerous fallacy. I can understand why people might be attracted to the idea that evil only exists on our dirty, dense little planet and nowhere else. No one wants to believe that the astral or spiritual dimensions can be contaminated by negativity. In the early days of near-death experience research, those people who had negative NDEs were often ostracized or minimized, as the love and light craze reached a fever pitch. Once out of the body, these new-age followers believed, we only exist in a sea of love and harmony.
I don’t believe that, and nor do many actual afterlife researchers. The literature is filled with harrowing afterlife experiences in places that would rival a horror movie in setting and scene. Even more terrifying are the parasitic entities who stick around on the earthly plane creating mischief and influencing people toward addiction and vice, just to satisfy their own lusts and cravings. I could write several posts just listing all of the examples, but one thing is for sure – we are not invulnerable to attack and most of us do not know how to protect ourselves psychically and spiritually from such negativity.
You may have heard the advice, “just picture yourself surrounded by white light and you’ll be fine.” I’ve given that advice to others as well, before I discovered how naive it is to believe that negativity can be permanently repelled by a five minute intention. White light imagery is great for casual use, but if you are suffering from a real attack by negative energy – whether that energy is from a physical or non-physical entity, white light ain’t gonna cut it.
I’ve done some research recently on how to truly hold your own against nonphysical negative attacks, which I will post in detail in the near future. For now, though, I can tell you what has helped to keep me sane through this ordeal. If you have a nemesis, a person who is going out of their way to do you harm, defend yourself the best you can and then rise above it. Never sink to the level of revenge. Never fight evil with evil. Don’t allow your nemesis to pull all of the joy from your life. The opposite of love is not hatred, but apathy. Reduce the energy and focus you have given to this person, and redirect your energy into hobbies, healthy relationships, interests and your physical health. The best defense is not just surrounding yourself with white light to reduce their psychic attacks, but by living a clean, positive, authentic life. Get rid of toxic relationships, get rid of vices, get rid of past traumas and resentments holding you down. Most importantly, reach out to others for help when you need it.
Is it hard to rid yourself of the toxic people and situations in your life that are causing so much stress? You bet. Mostly because none of us feel all that comfortable with putting ourselves first and making decisions that others might deem selfish or hurtful. We often withdraw, keeping our problem secret from others, not wanting to be a burden to our friends and family.
I stayed in a bad situation for two years because I felt like involving my family in my problems and asking for help was selfish. I didn’t want to drag everyone else down, so I kept quiet and suffered in silence. I had plenty of real-world problems that I could point to, but how could I expect anyone to believe that I was under attack by a negative entity? The situation seemed both ridiculous and hopeless.
When I was finally at the end of my rope, I had a dream visitation from my great grandfather, who I was lucky enough to know in life until I was 19 years old. There were no words spoken in the dream, but I felt surrounded by a tremendous sense of love. I looked at my great grandfather who was smiling serenely at me, and conveyed my sense of desperation to him, imploring him to tell me what I needed to do in order to get out of the situation I was in. Telepathically he said to me, “Jenn, you already know what to do. You just have to do it.”
After I woke up, I called my mother and I asked for help which she offered without hesitation. I didn’t realize that my family already knew I was in distress, but because I was so resistant to their questions, they didn’t know how to help. I actually caused my family more stress by shutting them out.
A few weeks later, the dark cloud of negativity lifted as I left that hellish life behind. I had a lot of work yet to do in order to disentangle myself from many of the toxic elements that had developed during that time, but I had, for the first time, hope. The love of family and friends is strong protection.
I don’t have a tidy end to this long and rambling post. Since we are still in the midst of this trial, I’m not yet sure what the lesson will be, or what purpose this entire experience will serve. But I’d like to share an affirmation listed in The Practical Psychic Self-Defense Handbook by Robert Bruce which he recommends reciting daily. An affirmation is sort of a prayer mixed with a declaration, and while it can’t fix all that is wrong with my life or yours, it’s worth saying out loud and remembering that we possess far more power to change our own lives for the better than we often realize, or will admit to ourselves. While we can’t always avoid the threat of harm from others, we do not need to give them all of our time and energy. Fear of change often holds us back, and misery that we know can sometimes feel less intimidating than facing an unknown and uncertain future. Seth reminds us that we create our own realities. We are also responsible to ourselves to create the best realities that we can, even in the midst of a terrible situation. Remember that courage is borne of fear and defined by the will to act in the face of fear. My family and I have been thrown off the path, but I’m going to keep stumbling forward towards the light – and hope that when I get there, I am a stronger, wiser person for the experience.
“I am loved and I am worthy. I am safe and I am free. I am powerfully protected. I am master of my body and ruler of my mind.”